My Hairball

Oh Boy! Today i got dis magical hairball da size of my fist! It came from an ox's fourth stomach and I really enjoy usin it ta tell the future. The only thing is it is takin all my coins cause it only tells ya future if ya give it some money. Huck Finn stopped by earlier, cause he heard that i had dis unique object. He was askin about his Pap and there really wasn't any good news there hairball was givin him. After he left i asked the hairball about my own destiny,it says Miss Watson might try sellin me!

Civilized

I might not be civilised but, ah' duzn't dink dat liein' too poor ol' jim be very civilised likes whut miss watson dun did t'me and Miss Watson talks about bein' civilized all de time. Sayin' she wuzn't goin' t'sell me waaay down soud. ah' duzn't wanna go waaay down soud how knows whut dey sheeit do t'me waaay down dere ah' had t'up and run away. Bu it be a sho' be good dat Huck helped me out o' ah' probably would gots'caught.

Da duke an' Da king

Well, da otha day, Huck come on back to raft with two gen'lmen. Dey insisted dat dey was a duke an' a kind. Now I don' know much bout royalty, but dey don't seem like no dukes an' kings to me. Anyway, we was goin on down the riva when dey start talkin bout Shakespeare. Next thing you knows, they was getting ready to put on a performance in da town. Now I don' like it much when dey go into town, 'cause i have to sit in da wigwam all the day long all tied up. But it don' matta what ol' Jim thinks, 'cause I just a negroe. So dey go on into town, an' a couple days lata, here dey comes runnin' back to da raf'! Turns out dey's con men. Now I never heard of a king and duke who's con men, but I guess dey's a first time for ever'thing. Turns out dey gone an' tricked da towns people into thinkin' they was gonna perform some sort of tragedy, when really da king just went out on stage naked and pranced around for a couple minutes. Well, da people don' much like bein' tricked an' one night dey come on in to the show wit' all sorts o' nasty stuff dey was gonna throw at the duke and the king! But bein' royalty an' all da duke an' da king know'd what was comin' an' dey high tail it outta there back to the raft befo' da towns people could catch 'em. We float on down da riva a ways mo', and sho nuff, da duke an' king wanna pull anotha trick. I don' care much fo' dukes n' kings, dey seem mighty immoral to me. An' I don' much like dem trav'lin' long da riva wit' me an' Huck. Da's all I gots to say 'bout dis here subject, I don' like 'em...not one bit.